Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this just has baby written all over it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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