the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
tell me about the eggs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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