Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
