we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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