apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize