Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
