You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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