I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
