i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
