He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize