if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
