today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
