Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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