3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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