Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
