As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
