you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
