So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
