Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
