there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
