Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
