all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
