So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
