Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You ruined the universe
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
