god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
