I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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