You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
