i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
