dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
