Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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