kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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