the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
