just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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