smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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