it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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