I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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