Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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