The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
