Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
