I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
