Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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