I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
