Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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