You're so nebulous sometimes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
