I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
