this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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