Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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