May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
