I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize