And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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