i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
