Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
