I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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