No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
