He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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