I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
