I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
