your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
did you just send me my own nude
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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