I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
