bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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