i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
