apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
