TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
