grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize