So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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