So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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