I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
